The good news is that bullying in schools diminishes in the high school years, after peaking in middle school.
The bad news is that bullying is far worse than any of us can imagine, no matter the age of students.
Even worse, students often emulate the behavior and attitudes of parents and other adults around them. Adults are bullies too.
Wednesday, Nov. 11, Victoria Powell, Asst. District Attorney for Sherburne County, made presentations during the day to Kimball students in grades 9-12 and then 6-8. With older students, she discussed their
digital footprint, and mistakes they can make that may haunt them later in life. With younger students, it was more general about bullying, cyberbullying, and Internet safety.
That evening, she made a combined presentation to parents and community members. These talks were made possible by a grant from Resource Training & Solutions.
Ms. Powell prosecutes juvenile cases for the county, which means that her entire job is made up of prosecuting crimes committed by children (up to age 18). She?Äôs seen a lot, more than any of us would imagine, or ever want to see.
There was a small audience for the adult presentation that evening (15 people, including the teacher there to introduce her), so a video of the talk is online, on the Tri-County News youtube.com channel.
Bullying differences
Not surprisingly, boys and girls bully differently. Boys are more physical with fights and intimidation. They tend to pick on kids because they see a weakness, or based on their clothing or who their friends are.
Girls tend to victimize others because of their looks or weight, or who get good grades. Their methods are calculated and mean, more psychological, like spreading rumors or manipulating relationships. Their aggression is usually less direct than boys.
No matter what, students should stand up for each other and help stop bullying. Just say something. Adults should step in and say something too.
Typical victim
Victims of bullying, whether in-person or online, tend to be quiet, have low self esteem, and may feel like they don?Äôt quite fit in with their peers. Signs of being bullied include having stomach aches or headaches so they don?Äôt have to go to school or ride the bus, suddenly falling grades, or losing interest in activities that once were fun. They may come home from school with torn clothing or books, and not have an explanation for it. Their sleep patterns may change, or they may exhibit symptoms of depression. They will try to avoid situations where they can be hurt and further victimized. They may want to change schools.
Typical bully
Needs to feel important, big, powerful, and bullying others makes them feel that way. They lack empathy for their victims, and lack a sense of compassion. They are disrespectful and ignore rules. They tend to pick on those who are smaller and weaker than they are. They want to embarrass or shame or intimidate. Some who are bullied become bullies themselves.
The medium
It?Äôs no longer just email and social media. Now there are apps, some of them hidden on phones, that help kids meet strangers (Omegle), for instance, or help to anonymously bully and harass others (After School). These apps can be used to lure children to meet up with adults who will victimize them, without the parents having a clue. That?Äôs the intent of these apps; they?Äôre insidious.
Don?Äôt share your passwords with anyone but your parents. Don?Äôt hack into another?Äôs account, or pretend to be someone else online with the purpose of intimidating or defaming them.
Legal consequences
Nothing is invisible or disappears for law enforcement with a search warrant. Everything you do online can be recovered, and traced, and used to convict you of cyber crimes.
?ÄúDisorderly conduct?Äù is the crime she sees most in Sherburne County, mostly because it covers such a wide array of wrong-doings. This is a misdemeanor.
?ÄúTerroristic threat?Äù is the next level up the crime chain. It generally covers any threat to commit a violent crime in order to terrorize someone else. It also includes wreckless disregard, which is creating an environment that encourages such behavior. This is a felony.
Continued on page 3.
Bullying, from page 2
Most potential employers today look to social media instead of r?©sum?©s to check on job candidates. Do the photos and content there reflect who you are, or who they may want as an employee? (Once it?Äôs there, it can always be found; it does not go away.)
Once adjudicated of a violent crime, meaning it goes on your juvenile record, you will have a firearms restriction for life. No big deal? Well, that means you can?Äôt hunt, you can?Äôt pursue a career in law enforcement, and you can?Äôt enter the military.
If caught sexting (sending sexual photos and/or messages by phone or messages), you could be required to register as a convicted sex offender for life. That means you cannot work in a school or medical setting, in a nursing home, or with any potentially vulnerable individuals, ever.
You may lose your driver?Äôs license, having it either suspended or cancelled, especially if drugs or alcohol are involved with your behavior.
You can be forced to pay restitution: if you tear someone?Äôs sweatshirt, you?Äôll have to pay for a new one.
You may need to be sent away for months to years, in order to stop destructive (or sex offender) behavior.
Bullying can lead to worse criminal behavior. Bullies who aren?Äôt stopped will go on to harass as adults; 60 percent will do time in prison. Here?Äôs a horiffying statistic, though: More than 70 percent of school shooters in recent years were victims of bullying.
Then there are the collateral consequences. When a child is simply charged with a crime, and his/her parent operates a daycare in the home, that daycare business loses its license. There?Äôs also cost in time and legal fees for the family of a juvenile offender.
For parents
Know all your kids?Äô passwords. Make sure their phones are left on the kitchen counter, for instance, at night. Know what apps are on their phones (and what they do with them). Know what they do on their phones and online, and with whom. You are the parent, you pay the bills, you set the rules. Set a good example for them. Shut down the location services on phones; don?Äôt make it easier for predators to find you (or your kids).
Do your children know who all their social media friends are? There are thousands of registered sex offenders who have social media accounts and who pretend to be other kids. Do you know who your kids?Äô social media friends are? Or who they?Äôre Skyping?
Powell also emphasized that parents have to stay on top of what they?Äôre kids are doing. ?ÄúBe aware, ?Äòcuz they?Äôre way ahead of us.?Äù
Powell started the anti-bullying program in Sherburne County 12 years ago. The program can be a deterrent to criminal charges and a lifetime of problems. She sees far too many acts of bullying that result in broken lives, and even suicides. She has made it her mission to help stop bullying and cyberbullying.
The remedy
Tell someone. If you?Äôre a victim, tell an adult: a parent, teacher, administrator. Report any threats to law enforcement. Identify the bully, if possible, to stop the attacks. Contact the ISP (Internet service provider); cyberbullying and many of these other offenses violates their contract for service, and they can lose access to the Internet.
If you think it may not be appropriate, don?Äôt post it. You can?Äôt assume that what you share now will stay private.
Stand up for others. Set a good example. Say something.