Self-esteem is an essential ingredient in developing happy, confident and responsible children. Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself and includes things like self-respect, pride and confidence. Children with good self-esteem are more likely to stand up for themselves, earn better grades, try new things (and try harder), handle stressful situations well, say no to drugs, and have a positive outlook on life. Negative self-esteem is associated with insecurity, underachievement, anxiety, depression, sleep problems, and acting out negative behaviors. Children with low self-esteem may turn to drugs to “feel good.” As parents, you are the primary influence on your child’s self-esteem for the first four to five years of their life. Your children look to you for guidance and approval. The most important gifts you can give your child are your time and attention. However, the type of attention you offer them is what will shape their self-esteem. The more positive their self-esteem is as a child, the more likely they will be able to resist peer pressure as adolescents. The following are suggestions for fostering your child’s self-esteem: o Spend positive time with your child. Children who have at least one adult in their lives who help them feel special and appreciated are more likely to develop positive self-esteem. Spend time focusing on their strengths, not their weaknesses. This is not to say that you should ignore bad behavior, but make an effort to also recognize and encourage good behavior o Keep criticism to a minimum. Avoid comments that are judgmental, and instead try to rephrase them in positive terms. Criticism does not produce positive behavior. o Provide opportunities for children to help. Chores and other tasks that allow children to contribute are very important. Make sure you are not regularly doing things for your child that they are capable of doing for themselves. This robs them of the opportunity to be self-sufficient. Helping others through charity work is also a confidence booster. o Help your child develop problem-solving and decision-making skills. In order to be able to problem-solve, children must be given opportunities to do so. It may take a while for your child to think of solutions, but it is important that you give them time to do this. You may help them think of possible solutions and weigh the likely results. Children who learn to make decisions at an early age are less likely to let peers make decisions for them later. o Be a good listener. Communication involves listening to how your child feels without making judgments. Reacting with frustration will only lead you to say hurtful things. Turn conflicts into problem-solving opportunities and work together. o Have realistic goals and expectations for your child. Know the basic facts of child development. Fit expectations with children’s ages, temperaments and backgrounds. Do not compare a child to his/her siblings. Each child has different talents and abilities. Avoid trying to fulfill your unmet wishes and values through your child. o Provide choices for your child. Giving children small choices that you can live with provides a foundation for decision-making. It also gives children a sense of control in their lives that will reduce power struggles. For example, “Do you want to wear your blue shirt or your red one?” or “Would you like to carry your coat or wear it?” While these are just a few suggestions, they are some of the most important things we can do for our children. A healthy sense of self-esteem is the best foundation we can give our children. I’ll close with a quote from Victor Hugo, ” The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.” Tell your child you love them – today.
