A major bridge collapsing and sending cars into the river has the feel of an action movie to children and adults alike, except that in Minneapolis on Aug. 1, 2007, it is a real event with tragic consequences. How do parents talk with their children about what happened? How do they explain the images on the television and the Internet of the mangled bridge and the cars strewn about? Events like this make us all feel less safe. Adults need to talk with others to share information and feelings. The same is true for your children. It is important to know what your children are thinking or feeling and be prepared to support them. Keep in mind the age of your child, as it will make a difference in how you need to react. Preschoolers through age 5 may have seen reports on the news. Begin by saying, “That looks pretty scary, doesn’t it? What do you think about it?” For school-age children, ask if they have seen the reports and talk about your own feelings by saying, “I’m very sad for all of those people and their families.” It’s also a good idea to turn off the television or the radio for a while. Young children aren’t able to separate the actual event from the replayed images shown over and over again. They may believe that many bridges in their city are collapsing. Go on to discuss that it is important not to let what happened scare us so much that we don’t have fun and enjoy our lives. Remember that young children react largely to the attitudes and emotional responses of those around them. The meaning of an event for children is drawn more significantly from the reactions of others than from the event itself. With older children and teens, it is more effective to talk about your own feelings first. If you share your feelings, it may help your teen to talk about the tragedy and their own fears. Children of all ages should be reassured about their own safety. Children who are distressed may act in ways that aren’t clearly connected to the event. They may mope, be irritable or be aggressive. As a parent, be available over time. For some kids, these feelings won’t heal immediately. The hardest part of this is helping your child understand that this is something that happens so rarely that the chances of it happening to them are almost non-existent. As adults, we have difficulty understanding random tragedy and it’s even more difficult for children to understand. Children view the world with them in the center and often jump to conclusions about their safety when bad things happen. If parents are open to hearing their child’s feelings and sharing their own, not over-saturating young children with the images in the media and finding ways to check in with their child over time about how they are feeling about this event, it will help children and teens regain their perspective about the safety of their world. Rose Allen is a family relations educator with University of Minnesota Extension Service.
