At the invitation of the Protect Our Children campaign of the Eden Valley Area Library, Patty Wetterling spoke to a group gathered to hear her. About 300 people attended, at Assumption Catholic Church.
In the 27 years since her son Jacob was abducted, Wetterling has learned much, and has devoted her life to helping prevent child abduction, abuse and violence.
Wetterling firmly believes that there are way more good people in the world than bad. She thanked everyone who came that night, as it?Äôs a great start toward healing, and also protection for our children. She also thanked law enforcement for attending.
Special guests were the family of Alayna Ertl from Watkins; they occupied two pews.
Wetterling was quick to point out that in both Jacob?Äôs and Alayna?Äôs cases, there is nothing more or different that the family or the community could have done to prevent what happened to them.
She said, though, that as a community there are things to help all children in general to be more resilient, and less susceptible to victimization.
She also emphasized that what happened with Jacob and Alayna is extremely rare. However, it is a serious problem. In 2015 the CyberTipline received 4.4 million reports of child sexual abuse images, online enticement and ?Äúsextortion.?Äù and child sex trafficking. But in her three and a half years as board chair of the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, they helped to find 11,654 missing children.
Patty Wetterling spoke Thursday, March 2, at Assumption Church in Eden Valley about what each of us in our communities can do to help our children grow up to be resilient and less likely to be a victim. Staff photo by Jean Doran Matua.
Respectful behavior is the key. And we as adults need to model the behaviors that we want children to see. Live the ?Äúgolden rule.?Äù
Research shows that several factors help strengthen a child?Äôs sense of well-being, and make him or her less vulnerable to abuse or neglect: a feeling of nurturing and attachment, knowledge of parenting and child/youth development, parental resilience, social connections, and concrete supports for parents.
Parents need connections to the community, she says, and fathers need to be engaged in parenting. We need to raise our boys, especially, to treat women and girls respectfully.
We need to teach our children:
?Ä¢ the proper names of body parts;
?Ä¢ that parts of their body are private;
?Ä¢ that everybody?Äôs body is different and special;
?Ä¢ that your body belongs to you; it is important to take care of your body and keep it healthy and clean;
?Ä¢ and that they can talk to you about anything, and you will find an answer.
Lack of this information can make a child more vulnerable to being victimized.
Wetterling likens this to being ?Äúcaptain of my ship.?Äù A child has control of his or her own body, and we need to nurture and encourage this in children.
Children need to know:
?Ä¢ Nobody has the right to touch you in ways that make you uncomfortable or scared.
?Ä¢ If somebody says something or touches you to make you uncomfortable, IT?ÄôS NOT YOUR FAULT.
?Ä¢ If anyone makes you feel hurt, sad, confused or uncomfortable, TALK TO ME, even if it is someone I like or you like.
?Ä¢ Don?Äôt keep it a secret.
Children benefit from having another adult to talk with, someone they feel comfortable sharing things with, and someone who can be trusted. And adults need to listen to what they say.
Wetterling talked about doing a ?Äúsocial autopsy?Äù of Danny Heinrich?Äôs crimes: what went wrong and when? where could someone have intervened? what patterns could have been discovered earlier? how could it have been different had adults believed the boys who reported assaults?
The Minnesota Search Institute (search-institute.org) talks about finding a child?Äôs SPARK: their deepest passions and interests that give them meaning, focus, joy and energy. Find their spark, and you can bring them in to be engaged with their community.
Wetterling presented two new questions children can ask themselves about interactions:
?Ä¢ Does this person try to get me to break my safety rules?
?Ä¢ Does this person give me an ?Äúuh-oh?Äù feeling?
Children should feel comfortable telling a trusted adult if an experience fails these two questions.
Remember the 11 attitudes that represent Jacob?Äôs life and hope: Be fair, Be kind, Be understanding, Be honest, Be thankful, Be a good sport, Be a good friend, Be joyful, Be generous, Be gentle with others, Be positive.
Lastly, here?Äôs how each of us can help every day:
?Ä¢ Believe.
?Ä¢ Don?Äôt let the bad guys win.
?Ä¢ Hold our children in your hearts.
?Ä¢ Fight for a world where children have the right to grow up safe and follow their dreams.
?Ä¢ Never forget. Never give up.
?Ä¢ Keep the dream alive.
Resources she presented:
BeHereforKids.org
Missingkids.org
search-institute.org
Jacob Wetterling Resource
Center