‘Slices of Life’ Avoiding the heat

It’s come to be a tradition. Every year at this time I engage in a war with Mother Nature. I am not dumb. I know that a mere mortal like myself will never win out against the Mother herself, but I am a stubborn Scandinavian. Sometimes stubborn Scandinavians do stubborn things, even if they are not smart things. Just ask my husband.

I could pretend that my motivations are pure and meaningful. I could make this battle about the environment or saving energy or even saving money. It is none of those things. It is just something I do.

More accurately, it is something I don’t do. At this time of year, when temperatures are falling faster than the leaves from the trees, when gardens have been harvested and perennials put to bed, when the weather forecast contains words like blustery, wind chill and even the S-word, I am inside my house trying to keep warm.

This is because I have not yet turned on the heat. On the worst days, the temperature inside hovers around 60 degrees Fahrenheit, and if I sit still for too long the blood stops circulating to my fingers and toes. But that’s okay. Because there are other positive advantages to living without heat. Believe me, I know.

I’ve come up with a list that I’ll try to type here. I may make a mistake or two. My fingers are numb and aren’t working so well. Good thing hypothermia is just a myth.

The top 10 advantages (that I’ve found so far) to living without heat in a 60-degree house are:

10. No need to flip the pillow over to find the cool side. In a cool house the pillow stays cool. That’s cool.

9. Enjoy a streamlined morning routine: there’s no need for deodorant. You have to be overheated to sweat. Enough said.

8. There is more room in the closet when you layer your clothing. Layering is my middle name. Just ask my best friend, Long John.

7. Shivering burns more calories. Hey, I’ll take the calorie burn wherever and whenever I can get it. Shiver me timbers – if it helps me fit into my jeans it’s all good.

6. Criminals try to avoid breaking into the homes of crazy people. And who would be crazy enough not to turn on their heat at this time of year? It’s obvious that I am a Scandinavian to be avoided.

5. Husbands love it when their wives wear flannel. I know mine sure does. Almost as much as he loves my long johns.

4. No need for ice in iced tea. Of course I couldn’t drink iced tea at this time of year anyway, but at least there’s no need to refill the ice cube trays. That saves time.

3. Who doesn’t love a quilt? Blankies are everybody’s best friend. Go on, admit it. You’ve got a favorite one yourself. It’s okay. We all do.

2. My dad always said that if something doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger. As I sit on the couch, shivering under my quilt and sipping hot tea, I can feel myself growing stronger by the minute. Maybe even by the second.

1. And finally, the number one reason to not turn on your heat: It gives you a good reason to go to the mall. Shopping! There’s the best excuse for freezing yet. Get in your car; turn the heat and radio up full blast. Go shopping for bargains and come home to tell your husband how much you saved on your new flannel pajamas. Life is good. And cold. Brrr!

Jill Pertler is a syndicated columnist and award-winning freelance writer. She appreciates your comments and can be reached at pertmn@qwest.net, or check out her Web site at http://marketing-by-design.home.mchsi.com/.